It was Thursday, I had to head to a friend's reception that evening. I took the office bus. Finished my work by 5 and took the 5.15PM bus and reached home by 6.30PM. Got ready by 7 and left home by 7.30 after a brief talk with my dad. Reached the venue by 8 and got in the Que to greet and congratulate the couple. While I stood in the que lost in thoughts, my friend ( the bride) spotted me and waved at me. Finally after what seemed to be an eternal wait, I got the chance to go upto the dias to greet couple. There was a customary photo with the groom and bride, post which I left the venue and headed to my bike which was parked about twenty paces from the wedding hall. I hopped on my bike, put on my helmet. Then headed straight home.
The journey from my house to the wedding hall was a pretty short one, a twenty minute ride to be precise.. I arrived at a junction, where I stopped at the red light. It was like those thousands of junctions where kids sell things, women with infants beg for money. Here too was a similar story, but there I saw a kid probably a tad over six years, selling these really long pens. One of his eyes closed, his clothes dirty and ragged. His body and hair hadn't seen water in a really long time. There was an innocence in him which was hard to define. I stared at him, he stared back at me, his eyes trying to tell me a silent story. A couple of seconds went by, I broke the ice by asking him, " Eshtu ? " ( How much?). I was trembling for reasons unknown to me. My voice had a certain fear that I find hard to explain. I pulled out my wallet, took out a ten rupee note and handed over to the boy. He gave me a pen in return. I said Thank you! The boy left. I couldn't get this boy out of my mind. The time was ticking and there were about 45 seconds left for the signal to turn green. There was complete pandemonium in my brain. My eyes went into reconnaissance mode and started searching for the boy, my mind on the other hand didn't know what to do. It was fighting it's inner battles whether to leave or whether to stay, but to stay and do what!! Finally the deadlock ended when the signal turned green. I accelerated my bike went a few feet ahead and took a U-turn and headed back to the same signal. Now I knew what to do, my mind more determined than ever. My moist eyes were a reflection of mind. Though, I couldn't change the kid's life, I could make him happy at-least I thought so. I parked my bike after doing a acrobatic U-turn, parked my bike by the pavement. I scanned my purse, I found four hundred rupees in it. I pulled those four notes and started searching for the boy. I spotted him about twenty feet away. I shouted, hey you... headed straight to him. He spotted me and stared at me again with those mystic eyes. I handed over the four notes to his tiny hands and asked him to give me another pen. His face showed no visible reaction to my actions. The kid offered a few more pens, to which I said no and left the spot. These moments almost felt like an eternity. My mind was emotionally drained, my eyes still moist and my mind in a sort of trance. I left the signal from where began an almost roller-coaster of emotions. First my mind remembered the famous picture at one of the Nazi camps where there was saying which went, " If there is God, he will beg for my forgiveness". My mind constantly questioning, Why I had a bike, house, why I had never experienced desperation, why I'd never felt hunger, why I'd everything whilst that little kid had to suffer, there was this sense of irony, when one part of me was thanking God that he didn't give me that plight and the other part of me questioned his existence and cursed him for not doing enough for that kid. I have lived in India all my life and I have seen innumerous kids on the road begging, but its hard to explain my behavior and actions. The emotional roller-coaster continued till I reached a friend's house and told all that had happened in the preceding minutes. This pacified my mind. After spending time there, I headed home. The boy's face embedded deeply in my mind. I still can't lose him. His face still haunts me.
All I have to say is God Thank you for everything!
The journey from my house to the wedding hall was a pretty short one, a twenty minute ride to be precise.. I arrived at a junction, where I stopped at the red light. It was like those thousands of junctions where kids sell things, women with infants beg for money. Here too was a similar story, but there I saw a kid probably a tad over six years, selling these really long pens. One of his eyes closed, his clothes dirty and ragged. His body and hair hadn't seen water in a really long time. There was an innocence in him which was hard to define. I stared at him, he stared back at me, his eyes trying to tell me a silent story. A couple of seconds went by, I broke the ice by asking him, " Eshtu ? " ( How much?). I was trembling for reasons unknown to me. My voice had a certain fear that I find hard to explain. I pulled out my wallet, took out a ten rupee note and handed over to the boy. He gave me a pen in return. I said Thank you! The boy left. I couldn't get this boy out of my mind. The time was ticking and there were about 45 seconds left for the signal to turn green. There was complete pandemonium in my brain. My eyes went into reconnaissance mode and started searching for the boy, my mind on the other hand didn't know what to do. It was fighting it's inner battles whether to leave or whether to stay, but to stay and do what!! Finally the deadlock ended when the signal turned green. I accelerated my bike went a few feet ahead and took a U-turn and headed back to the same signal. Now I knew what to do, my mind more determined than ever. My moist eyes were a reflection of mind. Though, I couldn't change the kid's life, I could make him happy at-least I thought so. I parked my bike after doing a acrobatic U-turn, parked my bike by the pavement. I scanned my purse, I found four hundred rupees in it. I pulled those four notes and started searching for the boy. I spotted him about twenty feet away. I shouted, hey you... headed straight to him. He spotted me and stared at me again with those mystic eyes. I handed over the four notes to his tiny hands and asked him to give me another pen. His face showed no visible reaction to my actions. The kid offered a few more pens, to which I said no and left the spot. These moments almost felt like an eternity. My mind was emotionally drained, my eyes still moist and my mind in a sort of trance. I left the signal from where began an almost roller-coaster of emotions. First my mind remembered the famous picture at one of the Nazi camps where there was saying which went, " If there is God, he will beg for my forgiveness". My mind constantly questioning, Why I had a bike, house, why I had never experienced desperation, why I'd never felt hunger, why I'd everything whilst that little kid had to suffer, there was this sense of irony, when one part of me was thanking God that he didn't give me that plight and the other part of me questioned his existence and cursed him for not doing enough for that kid. I have lived in India all my life and I have seen innumerous kids on the road begging, but its hard to explain my behavior and actions. The emotional roller-coaster continued till I reached a friend's house and told all that had happened in the preceding minutes. This pacified my mind. After spending time there, I headed home. The boy's face embedded deeply in my mind. I still can't lose him. His face still haunts me.
All I have to say is God Thank you for everything!
Great post Supreeth!
ReplyDeleteThe moment we stop thinking about ourselves, in the midst of our pursuits to personal pleasures and think about another human being, who is less fortunate than ourselves, we move a step forward and I am sure that you have too. We realise how petty our day to day life is, that we feel we have the authority to brag about, when such incidents unravel before us. We may not be able to perfect this world, but to at least think about it is step one.
Thanks Vinay. Thanks for really understanding the state of mind when I wrote this blog.
DeleteGreat post Supreeth! This one is your best, both in terms of content and the writing. I have myself tried to pen down my thoughts but it seems really difficult to put into words effectively what we have experienced. You have done a great job at doing the same. I can totally relate to these thoughts. Many a times I have felt this urge, in almost a choking manner, to reach out to the less fortunate, who were not born with the comforts that we have. This turmoil builds up and has to burst out one day, which, for you , happened to be this day. Let's talk about this in detail someday.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rajesh. Appreciation coming for you means a lot to me. Indeed, we need to talk about this.
ReplyDeleteSupreeth, as I have mentioned before you write well but why I really liked reading this piece was because it resonated with my innate sense of emotions and conflicts. There is a longing quest for answers which may never be found, however being connected and conscious of this is what keeps me striving in going on with the comicated journey which I am on. Thank you for expressing so honestly with this piece.
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